Dr. 24 Hours wrote about how he was tired the other day.
And I can relate. I feel that way too. The thing is, he at least seems to be in a stable career, has been sober for many years and is on his way up, at least from the outside looking in.
I need to find energy. To hustle more than I am. Or leap some how (dare I say Quantum leap?). What can I do? I am not sure, exactly, but am going to try some things.
One thing I think I am going to change is how I present myself online. Twitter has been a place where I’ve felt really comfortable sharing my life with the world; maybe too much. And while I’ll probably tweet as much as ever, I am going to share less personal stuff about how I am feeling in my brain each day…in case that is a strike against me somehow (something I always secretly fear). There’s not external pressure to do this, in fact in some ways, the opposite, since tweeting as much as I have has lead to some very good things the last few years.
I’ve been thinking about Jon Ronson’s book about public shaming as well as how a career and life are built…namely by doing things and getting noticed for doing interesting things. I am not sure if I am doing interesting things or engaged in projects that will move me forward. It’s really hard to know where to aim my efforts. So I have been trying to pursue learning opportunities and engage in things that pique my interest.
I hope it leads me somewhere good. Like many issues, drawing the line between closed and open is really hard and probably depends on who you’re talking to and the day of the week, and other random factors. While I don’t think I’ve been completely irresponsible, I guess this is a thing of sparing people my internal thinking…no one probably needs to hear that…and I can share that more privately with my close friends.
And being more circumspect, the tone of this blog may shift too. I will always talk about mental health and working towards acceptance and taking care of oneself. It just may be more scientific, less personal.
I am a little scared to step back, since I fear that it will isolate me and that would not be good. But I’ll try this experiment in shifting what I share and see if it makes a difference.
I am still unsure where I fit. And I hope I find my place in this world soon.